I talked to Sophie last night, and honestly, it was the best conversation I've had with ANYONE for about a month. She's so sweet. She's kind, and when she objects to something you say, she isn't a bitch about it. But yeah, we talked about alot of stuff...and It was cool.
The other night, Kelsey picked me up with her friend...Kim? Yeah, it was Kim. We hung out...we got shit from Dairy Queen. I got a Moolatte. I threw it at a van, and threw it up and a basketball court. It was fun. I wanna do it again.
The new Underoath is GOOD. Good for them...their old shit is midly good, but i dont like to listen to it. Their new shit is quite tasty. Oh yeah.
Yeah, yesterday i realized how much i hate my homelife..because i was sitting in my room, and i just looked around and started crying. Yeah, for no reason, i started crying...compltely out of nowhere. It actually scared me for a second. But it sucked so bad. My room is so fucking small and dark and shitty...and my step mom is such a rude ass bitch...and my dad could fucking care less if i fell over and died in front of him. I wanna leave so fucking bad, but i have NOWHERE TO FUCKING RUN. It's so disappointing how i wanna run. I sound like a fucking coward, i wanna hit myself. But that's what i am...a fucking coward. Oh well, noone's perfect, but I cant even manage NORMAL.
Yeh, sorry. No point in complaining about it, cuz im not so sure anyone cares anymore. I dont even talk to anyone anymore. But it isnt my fault...im in a band! And school...damnit it's not my fault I'm losing touch with everyone. I miss you all so bad, and i would give the world to be with all of you.
Yeah, im sounding emo.
I can't believe how badly my "keep all my friends" plan fell to peices. The most disappointing is Paul. I talked to him last night..and we had a good convo. But something was missing. INTEREST. It seeemed like we both didn't really give a shit. And it's my fault. I love him. He's like my fucking brother, and it's so fucking disappointing to know we're losing touch. He's one of the only people i could ever fucking spill my heart to. And we're losing touch. It's not right, ITS NOT FAIR. But i have noone else to blame but myself. CRAP.
I swear...i just wanna get onstage and let it all out. That's the one thing. That's the one thing that keeps me from running away from it all. Just to be onstage, and let out all my emotion. That's like...one of the only places i can do such a thing. I miss it. My chance is soon though...North Canyon...the 22nd. I'm gonna tear that fucking stage up with my bare hands.
Well, yeah, besides all of that shit, nothing is going on. I'm constantly trying to find ways to make my appearances better...and it's not working. I can't stand it...i hate everything about my appearance..and i can't do a thing about it. It's not fair.
Seriously, this new Underoath is UBER GOOD. I want their new cd..."They're Only Chasing Safety". It's almost got an A Static Lullaby feel..It's awesome.
Yeah, what am i doing this weekend? Oh yeah, practice on friday, and maybe Desert Ridge. On Saturday, its practice.
Melissa asked me to be her homecoming date. So that's my saturday night.
Sunday...Blech. Day off. I need to get drunk. Not on Sunday. Blah you know what i mean. Dude, seriously idk.
I miss all my friends. All of them. I wanna be attractive. I wanna be "HOT" as some may say. I wanna be wanted.